Birthday Boy

My kids are giddy with excitement about celebrating the 'birthday boy' today. They have been anticipating this day all week...making birthday brownies and opening presents and watching a special movie and singing Happy Birthday to their Daddy.  You will find us today at home, watching football, and loving on the main man in our life.  

Happy Birthday to the guy we call Daddy, babe, and Daaaaaadddddyyyyyy.  We love our life with you.

Ten Years

3,650 days.  87,600 hours.  A whole lotta minutes and seconds.  That's how long I have been married to the very best man I know.  (He is a numbers guy, so I thought I would WOW him with my math.)

This is a big one, people.  Kevin and I have been together an entire decade.  I can hardly believe it.  Sometimes I feel like we were just standing in our now backyard saying 'I do' and other times I feel like we have been together for-ev-er.  It ebbs and flows.

If I knew ten years ago what I know now I would have married this man as soon as I laid eyes on him.  He is truly the greatest person that ever happened to me.  He is my best friend and there is no one else on this planet I would want to do this life with day in and day out.  I did not draw the short straw in the husband category.

I don't want to get too mushy gushy here, so I am just going to end with one thing I have learned in my ten years of marriage.  

Stay married.  

Marriage is hard and tricky and annoying and lovely and familiar and a gift. If you're in a drought in your marriage, be patient.  Wait.  Try.  Work.  The rainbow that comes along with the rain is on the horizon and it will get better.

Marriage is worth it.  Worth the hard days, the hard weeks, the hard months, the hard years.  Marriage is worth the humbling act of saying 'I'm sorry'. Marriage is worth the dirty laundry not in the laundry basket and the empty water glass on the nightstand and the remnants of grass scattered through the living room.  Marriage is worth letting some things go to make room for relationship and forgiveness and love.  Marriage is worth it all.

I am taking a risk here, but I would venture to say that marriage is the greatest gift God gave us on earth, besides Jesus of course.  I know it's mine.

So, Happy Anniversary, love.  You're simply my greatest and best adventure.

The Hidden Husband

Loving.  Compassionate.  Determined.  Helpful.  Jesus-loving.  Encouraging. Intelligent. Provider.  

These are the words that come to my mind when I think of my husband.  I believe I have the best husband in the entire world.  Some of you may role your eyes or smirk and that's okay.  But, I do and should believe he is the best.  Just like every wife should believe the same thing about her husband.  My husband is my encourager, my person, the one I chose to spend everyday with a little under ten years ago.  I am to be the same for him.  His encourager, his person, he chose me as his partner for this life.

Kevin and I are in a season of raising babies and going to bed exhausted and giving of ourselves all day long.  He is at the office providing to meet all our financial needs, while I am at home meeting our babies' physical and emotional needs.

I get a lot of credit for staying home.  This might come as a surprise to some of you, but I really do.  In a culture where many moms feel under appreciated and overworked, I have the benefit of living around people that appreciate and honor my stay at home mom job.  People tell me, 'you have your hands full', 'you don't have any time for yourself', or my favorite, 'how do you do it'.  As tiring as this mom gig is, those comments solidify that my job is hard and I am doing important work.

Not only do I get people telling me how hard of a job I have, but I go to a mom's group that is just for moms like me who are in the midst of raising babies.  I get celebrated at this group and showered with a hot breakfast and fun giveaways and receive truth from speakers about parenting and motherhood and marriage and my spiritual life.

I get lavished with flowers and gifts and kisses on Mother's Day.  Kevin plans the best day and somehow every year I feel like the most important person on the planet.

My husband finds time early in the morning or on weekends to get his work done, so I can have girl time because he knows it sustains me and grants me relationships with girlfriends I love.  Whether it's Cooking Club or dinner with a friend or a girl's weekend away, he is the hidden man that makes it happen.  He encourages me on Saturdays to go to Starbucks for a few hours alone so I can refocus and feel reenergized to care and love our family well.

I am blessed with all of this, because I am a mom and Kevin's wife.

    
My sweet sweet husband sometimes gets stuck in the background.  The hidden husband.  Don't get me wrong, I don't think he minds one bit.  But, our culture, our world, has worked so hard at raising up moms and women that I think we might have forgotten about the strong, hard working husbands and dads that do good work everyday for their families.

The husbands and fathers in our families maybe get a mug and a high five on Father's Day in contrast to the flowers, gifts, and breakfast in bed that many moms experience.  There is most definitely not a DOPS group (Dads of Preschoolers) and no one is asking a dad 'how do you do it' when he is working on a spreadsheet at Starbucks.  We seem to have forgotten that husbands and dads are an extremely important piece of the family puzzle.

Just because our husbands and dads are men, doesn't mean they are too strong or proud to be appreciated.  A word of affirmation can go a long way for the men in our lives.  'Thanks for working hard for us' or 'You are such a good dad' or 'I love doing this life with you' can make an overworked man feel love and respect.  Giving men permission to go golf or meet a friend or see a movie can raise them up as well.  If your man already makes time for these things, don't make him feel guilty, but encourage him and be happy that he is doing something that makes him happy.  These husbands in our lives need a break too, even though they seem to be 'away' all day.

I don't think anyone is going to be telling Kevin 'you don't have time for yourself' when he's presenting in a meeting or working in the early morning hours at home before any of us wake.  

But, I can be the person in his life encouraging him, conveying to him how grateful I am for the role he plays in our family.  I can acknowledge his hands are full and signify I see the sacrifice and work he does for me and our babes. I can make him feel known.

Our husbands and fathers to our children may never get the praise and recognition from people at work or the grocery store or Starbucks, but they surely can get it from us at home.  

What words come to mind when you think of your man?  

Tell him.  Today and as often as you can...make sure he is a known husband in your home.  

  

Loving Your Spouse and Your Newborn

The newborn phase is dreamy.  For example, there are the sweet grunts and squeaks, the tiny toes and fingers, and let's not forget the tiny clothes adorning the tiny bodies.  The little yawns and the way newborns are all curled up in an itty bitty ball is pure perfection.  The newborn phase is also like walking around in a dream most days because of total, utter exhaustion.  Let's be real, having a newborn is glorious, but also extremely tiring.  There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a torture tactic.

In this dreamy foggy season of newborn-ness, it is so easy for me to forget about my spouse, the one who helped me create this tiny human.  I am tired, pretty much all day and all night.  Throw in the fact that I have a hard time napping, and I'm pretty much a walking time bomb with hardly anything left to give to my better half.  

I remember this newborn time with my other two and how Kevin and I only talked if we had to and it was usually about sleep or poop (or lack of) or sleep. About a month ago, right before Jude came into this world, I turned to Kevin in bed and said, 'I promise this time will be different and I will make time for you, even when I'm exhausted.'  He smiled, patted me on the back (with a knowing smile on his face), and said 'okay'.

Well, folks, I have, more than once, regretted that statement.  Deep down in my heart, I want to be connected to my spouse and make time for him in this season.  I want to have a conversation with him that doesn't involve the word 'poop'.  I want to love him the way I have loved him for the past nine and some change years.  But, my body rejects these thoughts.  My body tells me I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I'm spent.  My body tells me to coast, to get through today, that brighter days are coming when I will have more time and energy to give to Kevin.  

My body is not wrong, but my heart isn't either.  This time has been a bit different.  Partly because we have an extra set of hands in the house with my mom being here and partly because we have experience with this newborn thing and partly because we are being intentional this time around. 

Kevin and I have gone on a few dates, toting Jude along.  We have looked each other in the eyes and had a conversation, a real, actual conversation that doesn't involve the word 'poop'.  (Although we have had plenty of conversations about poop as well.) We have turned the t.v. off and decided to tune into each other.  We have made the time for one another and still loved and doted on and enjoyed our sweet baby Jude.  It has taken effort, the kind that makes you rethink it a hundred times before you really, truly, actually make the effort. 

The statement 'this time will be different' was made at a time when I wasn't exhausted and I could see and think clearly.  And now I'm exhausted and am clearly in a fog and that is exactly why I made the statement when I did.  But, I'm so incredibly happy I said those words because it has challenged me (and Kevin) and has kept us close during this season of sleepless nights and newborn cuddles.  

This newborn phase doesn't last forever and it will be over before I know it. Taking a few minutes here or there to connect with Kevin with intentionality has been oh so worth it and has allowed our marriage to be a priority during these dreamy days. 

    

Travel and Priorities

Written last week in Nanaimo, British Columbia...

Snuggled under a soft, dreamy, cream-colored blanket, my book and laptop sits upon my lap.  My toes are being warmed by the fire in front of me and the guy I'm doing this life thing with sits to my right.  My ever expanding belly bulges before me as a place to rest my hands.  I am staring out a massive picture window at the sea with islands littered beyond it and raindrops falling slowly, almost silently on the water. 

I am calm, centered, free, and uninterrupted.  I am cozy, breathing deeply, peaceful, and (almost) bored.  As a pregnant mom with two littles, I never really thought I would be bored.  But, here I am, 1800 miles away from home, tucked under a blanket (almost) bored.  My littles are at home with Grandma and Papa having the time of their lives while my husband and I reconnect, dream about this baby, explore and experience new places, and read big, thick books, uninterrupted.  

Traveling is our 'couple thing'.  If you've been reading for long, you know our family enjoys travel whenever we can get it, and Kevin and I try and take a vacation, just the two of us, as often as our time, schedules, and little ones will allow. 

If I'm being honest, I was hesitant about this trip.  It's much easier to stay home and do daily life together as a family.  Plus, I always get this queasy feeling just as we are about to be apart.  I like when our family is together, a puzzle with all it's pieces intact.  I don't like the idea of being scattered, some of us on one side of the country and some on the other.  I like us together, as a unit.  So, as I readied us all for being apart, something nudged at me and started to make me feel guilt for leaving Luke and Lily at home.  It made me feel like a 'disconnected mom', a mom not winning, but failing at this motherhood thing, a mom who needs to retreat for a few days to recollect herself.

That feeling and those thoughts sloshed around in my head and my heart and as I said my good-byes to my littles before we left, I couldn't help but feel like a 'bad' mom.  

But, as He always seems to do, God reminded me as soon as we reached our destination why we do this.  Why Kevin and I travel.  Why we pour time and energy into our marriage.  Why we make sacrifices and humble ourselves to ask for help from grandparents.  Why we make this a priority.

  

It's because our marriage is important and a priority.  It's because we want to not just survive, but thrive.  It's because I want to be the best mom to my babes, and getting away for a few days allows me to do that.  It's because I want our kids to see their parents love each other well and someday know what a strong, thriving marriage looks like.  It's because adult-ing and parenting is hard stuff and sometimes time away is exactly what is needed to refresh the spirit and mind and rewind the patience.  And also, because we enjoy it so so much. 

And you know what?  I feel like a better mom and a better wife, in this chair, feet up, listening to the rain fall (not so silently now) while Grandma and Papa care for and love on our kids and Kevin reads next to me.  I remind myself that this is good, good for our marriage, good for our kids, good for our family.  And it is. 

I sit and bask in the stillness of this place with no noses to wipe and no meals to prepare and no books to read to little ones on my lap.  But, I miss them and that is good.  Because when I wake them up on Sunday morning after this trip is a memory, my reserves will be replenished and I will be a better mom and wife for the days I spent away.  I will wipe those noses without a sigh and prepare meals with love in my heart and read books to my littles with the kind of energy they both deserve.  

And when, inevitably, Luke takes a toy from Lily or Lily screams the high pitch shrill that only us and dogs can hear, I will remember this place, this cream-colored blanket, my toes being warmed by the fire, count to ten and do the parenting and adult-ing that needs to be done with patience and joy accumulated from the time spent apart from my babes.

Thirty-two looks good on you...

My gorgeous hubby's birthday is today.  I will spare you all the reasons I love this man, but he really is the best possible partner for me and the best Daddy to our littles.  He makes me a better person and there really needs to be no other reason to adore him so much, but there are countless other reasons I am smitten with him.

I am praying that Kevin doesn't give me 'the look' for this story I'm about to tell, but I just can't help myself.  At an airport a few weeks back he was going through security and they stopped him.  They didn't think his ID was really him.  They thought he looked too young for his ID.  After a thorough investigation, they found out that indeed, his ID was him and he was allowed to proceed.  Thirty-two looks good on this guy.

  
Kevin plays so many roles and does them all so well.  Father, son, husband, mentor, leader, student, friend, investment guru (sorry babe, I can never remember your title), teacher, encourager.  Chaser of children, cuddler, runner, maid, landscaper, dance partner, builder, tractor driver, and most importantly, son of the One True King.

I am so incredibly lucky to call him my husband and pray he knows how loved and cherished he is today and everyday. 

Happy Birthday, Kevin!

What's your couple thing?

It’s 5:00 a.m. and we are on our way to the airport.  Kevin is driving and I am sitting in the passenger seat in my traveling gear: leggings and a hoodie.  I look behind me and the car seats are empty.  We are heading to the airport sans kids for an adults-only beach vacation.  I literally have a purse for a carry on and a small suitcase, not my three large suitcases, backpack, and double stroller that I’m usually toting to the security line; as well as my two littles.

We pull into the parking lot, take the shuttle to the airline door and head in.  We are calm, collected, and get through security in plenty of time to grab a coffee and breakfast and hang at our gate for a good hour before our flight leaves.

Once every year or two Kevin and I head south and leave our babies with their grandparents.  Traveling has always been our couple thing and we have tried to protect that even in this season of raising toddlers.  It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. 

This past February we headed to Turks & Caicos for five days.  It was five days of reading on the beach and four nights of dining at non kid-friendly restaurants.  We tried to sleep in, but mostly woke up when our faces felt a glimpse of sunshine.  We strived to stay up late, but usually fell into a deep sleep before the bands started playing on the beach.  We set out to go on some adventures, but sat on the beach most days with books in our hands and sunscreen on our relaxed bodies.

It didn’t matter what we did or didn’t do, what mattered is that we were together.  We were able to connect in a way that isn’t quite possible when Luke is asking for more milk at dinner or Lily is dropping pieces of half-chewed bread on the floor.  We sat together, read together, chatted about anything and everything, and got on the same page again.  It makes my body relax just thinking back to this winter and that trip with my sweet husband.

Traveling is our couple thing.  It’s what reunites us, energizes us, brings us closer, keeps us on the same page, and makes our marriage thrive.  Kevin and I knowing that an adults-only vacation is on the calendar gets us through those hard, beautiful, exhausting days of raising our babies. 

Maybe traveling isn’t your couple thing, but what is?  What do you love to do together?  What brings you and your spouse closer?  What keeps you on the same page?  What helps your marriage to thrive? 

A happy marriage makes for happy kids makes for a happy family.  Our marriage is a priority for us because we know the benefits of a great marriage far outweigh the work it takes to get there and stay there.  We know it will help our kids feel safe and loved and secure. We know modeling a healthy marriage for our children will help them know how to love, honor, and respect their future spouse someday.  All of these reasons give us motivation to make time for us and remind us that our marriage relationship is the relationship that affects and helps or hurts all other relationships in our family.

I pray that you find and maintain your couple thing, whatever it may be.  Whether you are raising babies or are empty nesters…your marriage matters.

“A great marriage isn’t something that just happens, it’s something that must be created.”

-Fawn Weaver